Is it true that all narcissists are cheaters?  Not necessarily, though it is true that many of them are. Sometimes narcissists will even find it hard to be loyal to their family members. 

This is in keeping with the essence of what it means to be a narcissist: a lack of guilt and empathy, a desire for control, and a talent for manipulation. These are all essential elements that can be employed in the pursuit of an illicit relationship. 

Most narcissists have very little, if any, conscience about much of their behavior, and they rarely see their actions as wrong. They don’t often realize they have a problem. They are able to justify their infidelity in any number of ways, from their belief in their superiority (their current partner is inferior at intimacy) to their desire to be the center of attention. There is no better way to garner additional attention than to engage in an affair and manipulate the emotions of all involved.

Read on to confirm your suspicions about your cheating narcissistic mother.

Is Your Narcissistic Mother Cheating?

If you suspect your narcissistic mother is cheating, there are some revealing signs that can indicate whether she is cheating and what her motivations for cheating are. All narcissists are skilled liars, so this is not necessarily an indication that a narcissist is cheating; however, if the lies are coupled with other atypical behavior, such as an abrupt change of schedule or an overhaul of wardrobe and overall appearance, then your suspicions might be justified.

Again, most narcissists are prone to extreme mood swings, but if your narcissistic mother begins to exhibit even greater emotional highs and lows, then this might be an indication that she is dealing with an external relationship. Typically, lots of emotional highs—akin to mania—followed by very intense emotional lows characterize the narcissistic love affair.

If the narcissistic mother begins questioning her husband or partner constantly about their potential infidelity, that is almost surely a signal that they are cheating. Because narcissists see everyone in their world as an extension of themselves, their accusations are likely admissions of their own guilt.

Secrets and Lies

While narcissists are very adept at covering their tracks, and deal in secrecy and lies on a regular basis, they are also always seeking attention, and as such, the narcissistic mother might not be that invested in not getting caught. She seeks the emotional chaos that lands her squarely in the middle of all the attention, and it feeds her need to manipulate everyone to serve her interests.

If you find yourself searching for hints and clues, then you already know that something is off. Again, the narcissistic mother’s behavior is often unpredictable—but you have almost certainly become accustomed to her mood swings and whims. So if you feel the need to investigate new or unusual behavior, then you are probably justified in your suspicion that her actions are unsavory.

When confronted with your suspicions, the narcissistic mother will most likely become enraged—and her anger is key to her relative guilt. The angrier she is, the more likely it is that she is cheating. The anger and fake display of offense are smoke screens. Just like addicts who are confronted with the realities of their use, the narcissist will defend themselves loudest when they are most at fault.

What Motivates a Narcissistic Mother to Cheat?  

She already has a household in thrall to her mood swings, emotional demands, and psychological manipulation. This may not be enough, at some point. Narcissists are virtual bottomless pits of need, and they must fill the void where their self-esteem should be with attention and adoration, regardless of the consequences. Here are some other factors to know about why narcissistic mothers cheat.

• Entitlement, Self-Interest, and Guiltless Conscience

It often comes down to the issue of supply and demand: narcissists demand attention, and if the supply at home is lacking, then she will seek the attention elsewhere. If the excitement has dissipated from her committed relationship, then she will invariably seek it elsewhere.

Cheating behavior also comes out of the narcissist’s sense of entitlement coupled with their deficit of guilt: the narcissistic mother is superior to her husband or partner, she very clearly believes, so it is only fitting that she seek additional sexual attention outside the relationship. She doesn’t have to follow the rules like everyone else.

The lack of guilt and inability to apologize are also key components in a narcissistic mother’s decision to cheat. She cannot empathize with her husband’s or partner’s emotions, so she doesn’t fully grasp the implications of her cheating behavior, the hurt and anguish that it may cause. These characteristics can make it very hard for a narcissist to even stay married. 

• Ego and Control

The narcissistic mother is also the center of her own universe, with an exceptionally strong ego. She sees herself as desirable, and so she seeks the evidence to prove it. This may lead only to some harmless (but frequent) flirting, but it provides opportunities for more serious indiscretions.

Many narcissists also have poor impulse control; because they see themselves as always being in the right, they often don’t take the time to consider the gravity of their actions before it’s too late. An infidelity might simply be a spur of the moment impulse.

Narcissists are also driven by a need to control, and the narcissistic mother may be especially prone to a desire to exhibit power. In sexual situations, women in general have often been subject to the urges of men; thus, the narcissistic woman is highly attuned to the power dynamics of sex. Cheating is a method by which she can gain emotional and sexual power over her husband or partner and her lover (or lovers).

Final Thoughts

Finally, remember that the narcissistic mother—narcissists in general—exhibit inappropriate behavior, whether it be neglectful parenting or engaging in infidelity, on a regular basis because they think they can get away with it.

You have a choice as to whether you confront the cheating mother or not: confrontation can create an intense anger in the narcissist, even when the accusations are accurate, and yet the only way in which their behavior will ever change is to be called out on it. It ultimately depends on what your goals are and how you take care of your own emotional needs. Take at least one cue from the narcissist mother in this situation and take care of yourself first.

Now that you know the warning signs that your narcissistic mother might be cheating, and if you choose to confront her, this article about what to expect when you stand up to a narcissist might be helpful as you prepare for what will surely be a fight.