When you have a narcissist in your life and can’t get away, it can help to know how to counter their manipulative tactics. When you suffer from narcissistic abuse, it can do real damage to your self-esteem. It can make you feel powerless and out of control. 

When you begin to take back your power and rebuild your sense of self, that’s when you find yourself again. You can then begin to take back your life.

To do that, you need to know how to disarm the narcissist’s attacks. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you likely know how frustrating it can be to have a discussion with them. They distort everything you say and they skew their meanings too. Everything they do and say has the goal of manipulating and controlling their target. 

This kind of emotional abuse creates an incredibly toxic environment, and it can be very difficult to extract yourself from a relationship with a narcissist. Taking back your power can take time, but as you begin the process, you will start to feel more and more empowered. It begins slowly, but it will grow quickly and you’ll find yourself in a stronger position in the end. Learn about five key phrases you can use to disarm a narcissist. 

What Can You Do? 

It’s important to remember that the narcissist is always looking for ways to manipulate you and control your behavior. They look for your weaknesses and ways to exploit them. If you buy into their attacks, they win. 

These phrases will help you disarm the narcissist by giving him or her nowhere to go with their attack. It can be difficult, but when you don’t take the bait and instead deploy one of these disarming phrases, you’ll start to feel more empowered. 

1. I’m Sorry You Feel That Way

This phrase is great because it is a way of letting the narcissist know that they own their own feelings. You are not responsible for how they feel, and you’re not open to discussing the topic further. 

By using this phrase, you’re letting the narcissist in your life know that you are unwilling to take any responsibility for how they feel. When you deploy this phrase, they don’t have anywhere to go with it. There’s nothing much left to say. 

You’re acknowledging that they have a right to their own feelings, and you’re also letting them know you don’t agree, but there’s no use in talking about it. It’s a great way to shut them down. 

2. I Have No Right to Control How You See Me

Much like the phrase above, this statement allows the narcissist to own their feelings and perceptions. It also tells them that you disagree, but that you are simply not going to argue the point with them. 

It also lets them know you’re confident in yourself and don’t need to manipulate someone else’s perception of you. This is an incredibly empowering statement to make, particularly to someone whose validation comes from external sources. 

3. I Can Accept Your Faulty Perception of Me

This is another empowering statement for no other reason than the narcissist is not capable of accepting what they see as faulty perceptions of themselves. By allowing the narcissist to have a faulty perception of you, you are basically saying that you know what’s true about you, and if someone else sees you differently, that’s fine by you. 

You’re also letting the narcissist know that you see the perception as being faulty, but you’re not going to argue about it. He or she can feel that way, and you can live with that. Once again, it gives them nowhere to go. You aren’t arguing with them even though you’re disagreeing. It’s the perfect way to throw them off track. 

4. I Guess I Have to Accept How You Feel

This is another statement to the narcissist that communicates both your understanding that you don’t control their feelings as well as your self-confidence that you know what’s true. It’s something they cannot do. 

The narcissist cannot abide other people seeing them in a negative light, and your ability to let someone feel something negative about you is like a superpower in their eyes. They cannot argue with your acceptance of the way they feel. 

It gives them nowhere to go with the conversation, because all they can do is reiterate their feelings which you have already said you accept. It’s another empowering way to defuse narcissistic manipulation. 

5. Your Anger is Not My Responsibility

Once again, this makes it clear that the narcissist in your life is responsible for their own feelings. They will frequently try to blame you for ‘making them feel’ a certain way, but that’s not possible. 

By making this statement, you are clarifying that their feelings are their responsibility, not yours. You are also expressing your own self-confidence that you will not be manipulated into taking responsibility for either their anger or their happiness. 

Final Thoughts

Since narcissists are so externally oriented, they look to other people for both validation and responsibility for how the narcissist feels about themselves. They have to constantly manipulate everyone in their life to make themselves feel superior and to continuously bolster their self-esteem. 

With these phrases, you’re sending a message to the narcissist that you understand the truth — you are responsible for your feelings and they are responsible for theirs. That includes both positive and negative emotions. 

These phrases also defuse common techniques narcissists will use to control you. They fear what other people think about them, and they believe other people do too. When you show them that you don’t, they have no way to control you anymore. 

Once the narcissist loses the ability to manipulate and control you, they often lose interest in trying to interact with you. While that might be difficult to accept if the narcissist is someone you love, it is better for you ultimately. You’re no longer subject to their lies and efforts to shape your perceptions of reality. It frees you from their negative influence and allows you to pursue your ideal life, one that is full of peace and positivity rather than narcissistic abuse. 

These phrases really come in handy when you have to confront a narcissist. Check out this blog article, “What Happens When Confronting A Narcissist With The Truth,” to learn what happens when you have to do that.