It can be quite shocking when a narcissist flies into a rage, and when it’s someone you thought you knew, it can be very confusing. When you’re in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist, it’s vital to know how to defend yourself against their rage. 

When a narcissist is faced with being denied something they feel entitled to, it can provoke a poisonous blind rage that can leave you feeling hurt and confused. Their rage may involve self-destructive behaviors or they might strike out at you. 

Narcissists are emotionally abusive and they can be physically abusive as well. When you can’t get away from a narcissist, no matter the reason, you’ll need to know how you can defend yourself from the harmful behaviors associated with their rage. 

How to Defend Yourself

Defending yourself from another’s narcissistic rage requires courage and you deserve to have peace and happiness in your life. Anytime you deny a narcissist what they want or reject them, it’s likely you’ll experience their rageful response. So, how can you defend yourself?  

1. Lead with Compassion

Narcissism doesn’t just happen. It’s often the result of a history of abuse that they suffered at an early age. By leading with compassion, you can reveal the pain under the rage, and it also allows you to stay grounded to what really matters. 

Consider the events of the narcissist’s past that likely led to their behavior, particularly what may have caused them to be so self-obsessed. Remember a time when you felt attacked or out of control, and that will allow you to understand their rage and respond effectively. 

2. Don’t Take the Bait

When you know that you’ll be provoking a narcissist by saying no or rejecting what it is they want, follow through and be true to your promise. Be aware that your strong commitment will provoke an equally strong response, but you can avoid the traps the narcissist will lay for you. 

If they bring up old conflicts, for example, steer the conversation back to the current topic, or if they insult you, walk away and get your emotions under control. Remember that the narcissist is looking to get a response from you, and giving it to them will only give them more ammunition to fight. 

3. Ignore Them, If Possible

Narcissists love to draw you into a fight, and it can be hard to just walk away when confronted with their passive-aggressive taunts and other cruel behavior. You might be justified in wanting to respond, but you won’t win. 

It’s better to avoid getting drawn into their mudslinging in the first place. If it’s possible, walk away. Remember that the narcissist seeks to control you and when they see that they can get a rise out of you, that’s just another way they can exercise control over you. 

When you’re confronted with a rageful response from a narcissist, take a step back, find a quiet place, and gather your thoughts. Even just counting to ten can give you enough time to avoid reacting rather than thoughtfully responding. 

4. Redefine Those Boundaries

You might have set what you thought were strong boundaries with the narcissist in your life, but they need to be reinforced from time to time. Narcissists will do anything they can to tear down the boundaries you set, and thus, you’ll need to constantly reaffirm them. 

If you feel like your boundaries are being ignored, take some time to check in with yourself and consider what you are willing to accept in your life. When you are clear about that, double down and dig in deep to let the narcissist know you will not tolerate them crossing those lines. 

5. It’s Them, It’s Not You

You have to accept that the narcissist in your life is responsible for creating the chaos and confusion in any argument you might have. Yes, you can approach the situation in an inappropriate manner, but the narcissist simply can’t take rejection or even the simple act of you setting a boundary. 

Their behavior is not your fault, and the solution to their behavior is not responsibility. You can have compassion for them while still maintaining your own boundaries and sense of self. You don’t have to accept the pain they will try to fling your way. Don’t buy into the guilt they will try to lay on you — it’s them, not you. 

6. Accept Your Feelings

When you’re constantly exposed to the chaotic emotional roller coaster ride the narcissist will take you on, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. There is a constant emotional demand made on you, and the negative energy they throw your way can really create confusion. 

Accept your anger, pain and sadness. Explore those emotions as you try to determine the best way to respond. When you understand your own emotions, you can better express them to the narcissistic person in your life. 

You can also better determine how to protect yourself from the narcissistic rage that will inevitably come your way. Your feelings are a way of warning you that you need to take action to protect yourself. Don’t be afraid of those emotions: embrace them and use them to guide you in your next steps. 

7. Realize It’s Okay to Protect Yourself

This is perhaps the most important tip. You have a right to defend yourself against narcissistic rage. You don’t have to simply accept the kind of behavior this rage provokes. 

It’s okay to protect yourself from malicious, hurtful behavior, and that’s true no matter what role the narcissist has in your life. You have a right to be happy and live a life free of drama. You have a right to have peace in your life, and toward that end, you have a right to not only establish firm boundaries but take whatever steps are necessary to defend them as well. 

Final Thoughts

Narcissistic rage creates hurtful, confusing emotions, and can do long-lasting damage to your own self-esteem. You have every right to protect yourself from that kind of abuse. You might even consider the many ways that can effectively get a narcissist to leave you alone. 

If that’s not a possibility, you’ll have to stand up to the narcissist. You have a right to a peaceful and drama-free life, so don’t be afraid to take the necessary steps to protect yourself from narcissistic rage. 

Narcissistic rage can sometimes lead to physical abuse. Learn more about the possibility that a narcissist will physically abuse you in the article, “Will A Narcissist Physically Hurt You?”