Your mother is supposed to be a nurturing, loving presence in your life, but for children of narcissistic mothers, the opposite is true. Narcissistic mothers see their children as extensions of themselves who are only there to feed them with their narcissistic supply. Anything you do, she believes it reflects on her abilities as a mother. For that reason, she is controlling and manipulative to make sure you behave exactly the way she wants. 

Narcissistic mothers usually say toxic things to their children if they don’t like what they are doing or the choices they make. Even when you’re upset, she will talk to you in a way that is designed to devalue and control you. Almost every time she opens her mouth, you won’t like what you hear. 

It’s vital to understand the kinds of things your mother might say when she is attempting to manipulate her children. These are examples of 67 toxic things she might say and the various situations which will prompt her to judge, devalue, and criticize her children’s decisions, lifestyle, and actions. 

The Narcissistic Mother’s Words of Comfort?

The following represents what a narcissistic mother says when her children are upset or when the emotions they’re showing are something that’s annoying to her: 

1. You are such a drama queen!
2. You need to just get over it.
3. If you want to cry like a baby, I’ll give you something to cry about.
4. I told you that would happen; I don’t know why you refuse to listen to me.
5. Why are you so much more sensitive than all of your friends?
6. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it.
7. You made this choice for yourself; it wasn’t what I told you to do and now you see why.
8. Why don’t you just grow up?!
9. If you would have just asked me, I would have told you this would happen.
10. Why don’t you ever listen to me?

A Narcissistic Mother’s Response When You Confront Her

These are the kinds of things she will say if you try to call her out on her behavior: 

11. I never said that, and I don’t know why you’re lying.
12. You’re such a sensitive baby.
13. What is wrong with you?
14. You’re imagining things!
15. You’re twisting my words; I would never say something like that.
16. You’re making a much bigger deal out of this than you should.
17. I don’t care what you think, I didn’t do anything wrong.
18. You don’t appreciate all that I do for you.
19. All you think about is yourself; you never think about me.
20. You always blame me for everything.

Things Your Narcissistic Mother Says if She Disapproves of Your Choices

These are the kinds of things you’ll hear if you make a choice your narcissistic mother disagrees with: 

21. You never think about what you’re doing.
22. You are just so selfish; you only do things that will benefit you.
23. You just don’t care about the other people you hurt in your life.
24. I can tell you that will never work.
25. You’re only doing that to hurt me!
26. You just don’t appreciate how lucky you are.
27. Don’t you care about what your friends will think?
28. Do you want everyone to think you’re stupid?
29. How can you do that to your family?
30. Everyone’s going to laugh at you.

Things Narcissistic Mother Say When You Prove Them Wrong

When you’ve been able to show your narcissistic mother that she’s wrong, get ready for a manipulative tactic called gaslighting. This is a technique she uses to try to make you feel like you’ve lost your mind. These are the not-so-kind words you’ll likely hear when she’s gaslighting you, or even if you simply have a different opinion than she does: 

31. You just think you’re so smart.
32. You’re so condescending.
33. I don’t even know what you’re talking about; you’re not making sense.
34. Why would you believe whoever told you that? You’re so naive.
35. You don’t know anything!
36. No one likes someone who’s always showing off.
37. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
38. Who died and made you the keeper of all knowledge?
39. No one likes a know-it-all.
40. That’s exactly what I said to you!

What Your Narcissistic Mother Will Say If You Question Her Authority

If you ever dare to push back against  your narcissistic mother’s authority, you’re likely to hear some of the following things: 

41. Just who do you think you are?
42. How dare you question my authority!
43. You better get that look off your face or I’ll slap it off!
44. Don’t you dare disobey me!
45. When you’re living under my roof, you’ll do what I say!
46. Just do what you’re told.
47. I will smack you!
48. Don’t you think you can question what I tell you!
49. You’ll regret it if you don’t do what I say.
50. You’ll be sorry for that.

Things Your Narcissistic Mother Will Say to Make You Feel Guilty

Some of the worst things a narcissistic mother will say to you she says when she’s trying to make you feel guilty. This is a classic manipulation technique and here are some of the many things she might say: 

51. I’ve given up everything for you and this is how you treat me?
52. I would die for you and you don’t ever do anything for me.
53. You owe me your life and look at how you are acting.
54. You are the most ungrateful child I’ve ever known.
55. You’re the reason we’re having marital problems.
56. No one else will ever love you like I do and look at how you’re treating me.
57. You just love to break my heart.
58. You don’t care about anyone else other than yourself.
59. I’ve wasted my life on you.
60. Why can’t you be more like her children?

Things Your Narcissistic Mother Will Say to Devalue You

Lastly, these are some of the most hurtful things your narcissistic mother will say when she’s trying to devalue you: 

61. I wish I had never had you.
62. You’ll never amount to anything.
63. No one will ever love you.
64. I’m ashamed of you and you should be ashamed of yourself.
65. You ruined my life.
66. I wish you had never been born.
67. You’re worthless.

Final Thoughts

There are some terrible and hurtful things that your narcissistic mother says to you. They are designed to tear down your self-esteem and undermine your self-confidence. While it’s hard to be on the receiving end of these kinds of comments, it’s important to know the things your narcissistic mother says say more about her than they do about you. 

It’s important that you take good care of yourself if you have a narcissistic mother. Take as much time away from her as you can get, use positive affirmations to undermine her negative comments, and process her nasty words with supportive, positive friends you can trust. This is not about you; it’s her. You deserve better than that, and the day will come when you can choose better. 

Now that you know more about what your narcissistic mother might say to you, you’re going to want to know whether or not she knows she’s hurting you. It’s important for understanding her thought processes.