If it’s true that narcissists all follow a similar pattern of behavior, then isn’t it also true that they are drawn to the same kind of people?

Indeed, narcissists tend to be attracted to particular types of women, as they constantly seek out others to fulfill their deepest needs and desires. While it would seem fitting that a narcissist would home in on weak-minded women, this is not typically the case.

The narcissist likes a challenge, but he also needs devotion. Sometimes narcissists are even drawn to other narcissists. If you’ve found yourself in a series of relationships, however brief, with narcissists, then you must wonder “why me?”  

Read on to find out why you might be the perfect target.

Powerful and Pretty

Ironically, the narcissist is attracted to strong women, for several reasons. First, destroying a powerful woman feels like a more significant accomplishment to the narcissist. He enjoys robbing her of her power, breaking her down emotionally and psychologically. Second, despite his outward display of arrogance, the narcissist requires a great deal of upkeep, and a strong woman is up to the task.

He is also drawn to successful women because their success reflects well on him and his choices, so he believes. If that powerful and successful woman is also physically attractive, then the narcissist cannot help but gravitate toward her. Vanity trumps compatibility every time.

Since the narcissist has no true moral center, those appearances are quite important to him. Just as with her success, her beauty reflects well on the narcissist. She becomes an extension of him and his grandiose visions of the ideal life. But she must constantly be focused on her upkeep, working out and dressing well—and pleasing him. He will start to control her appearance as the relationship develops.

Empathic and Steadfast

Narcissists are also drawn to empaths, because they naturally put others’ needs first—exactly what a narcissist desires. The empath will give the narcissist the attention that he so desperately craves and will succumb to his all-consuming desire to control. Because the empath loves with honesty and fidelity, the narcissist will find her easy to manipulate and dominate.

He will reel her in with compliments and bold declarations of love, then undermine her confidence and self-worth once she is attached. The empath is loyal to a fault, and the narcissist will exploit her devotion as long as he can. 

Often, the narcissist will isolate his partner, cutting her off from her support system so that she is left with nobody else to depend on. Because her empathic nature urges her to trust and to feel deeply, he will become the center of her universe. He, on the other hand, will simply use those feelings to dominate and manipulate her. Her commitment to him comes at a steep price.

Confused and Insecure

Just as the narcissist is hollow at his core, certain types of women—especially when they are young—possess a chameleon-like quality that attracts the attention of narcissists. This kind of woman has no real passions or strong beliefs, and she likely has little experience of the world or of love. It is easy for the narcissist to shape her to his liking. She becomes his project.

He also likes that she is probably a little bit insecure, unable to pinpoint what she wants exactly. Her indecision allows him to assume a position of authority, and he begins to exert near total control. He can take advantage of where her insecurities lie and manipulate her to serve his interests. 

Still, she can’t be too terribly insecure, as most narcissists don’t connect with weakness. To break down an already weak person doesn’t give them the satisfaction that they desire. They certainly aren’t interested in having to take care of someone else.

Borderless and Broken

Any woman who lacks clear boundaries, whether she’s sexually promiscuous or emotionally available, is attractive to the narcissist. This type of woman will allow the narcissist to get away with virtually anything, from showing up unannounced to drinking or drugging too much to lying and cheating.

She simply accommodates his every whim, to the detriment of her mental and even physical health.

This type of woman is usually seeking male approval because of some issues that she may have had with her father, her family, or past relationships. Because some of her spirit has been broken, she believes that setting boundaries or saying “no” will drive away the man she is desperate to keep. She has been rejected in the past and will work hard not to be rejected again.

The narcissist will exploit this situation until he inevitably gets bored—or she gets tired of the abuse and challenges him. If the woman in this situation eventually decides to set boundaries, the narcissist will abuse her until she either relents or leaves.

Flourishing Fixer

Finally, the narcissist is attracted to women who appear to be naturally oriented toward care-giving. These are women who sense the hollowness at the narcissist’s core but believe it exists because of some past wound, that he just needs love and care. She is patient with his flaws and sets about trying to “fix” his hurt and loss.

Sometimes, the “fixer” is also a category of narcissist, believing herself to be the solution to the narcissist’s problems. If only he would listen to her, follow her lead, and take her advice, he will surely change his ways. She will heal him.

The problem is that the narcissist wants to be the center of attention, of course, and he wants to be taken care of, but he does not desire to change. In fact, not only does he not want to be fixed, he doesn’t even think anything is broken.

He remains convinced of his own superiority and will belittle her attempts to intervene. The only thing left for the “fixer” to do is address her own codependent tendencies.

Final Thoughts

There are clearly several specific types of women to whom the narcissist is drawn. Any combination of the qualities described above would attract a narcissist. If you recognize any of these qualities in yourself, you must be cautious when approached by a charismatic stranger, especially if his early declarations of love are profuse and dramatic.

Remember that the characteristics that make you appealing and unique are also the characteristics that give you emotional strength and psychological depth. You should value your power, your success, your beauty, your empathy, and your many talents—take care and cultivate them.

If you find yourself confused or insecure or codependent, focus on yourself before you leap into a potentially damaging relationship.

Now that you know more about the types of women narcissists find attractive, you might be interested in a free copy of my “Narcissistic Rejection Guide.” You will learn how to say no and even push back against narcissistic manipulation. Just click here and I’ll send it directly to your inbox for free!