Conflict is a normal occurrence in any relationship that involves a narcissist. It can be particularly difficult when the narcissist is a parent, but these techniques can help you end an argument with a narcissistic father.
Narcissists love to fight, and the truth is that you will never win an argument with a narcissist. What’s more, fighting with a narcissistic father will likely ruin your whole day and just give him more ammunition to use against you in the future.
One of the first things you need to remember is that narcissists love to see you struggle. They feed off the drama that results when you lose your cool. They actually feel pleasure from watching you get upset, because it’s a power trip for them.
Another thing to remember is that while narcissists lack empathy, they expect it from you. They are not capable of feeling sorry for you, but they will expect you to feel sorry for them. It’s a no-win situation, but there are strategies you can use when arguing with your narcissistic father.
How to Make it Stop
Since arguments with a narcissist are inevitable, the best you can hope for is to learn how to disarm the narcissist and end the argument. Here are five tips that can help you end an argument with a narcissistic father.
That’s easier said than done, but if you lose your cool, that will just give them more ammunition for future conflicts. They love to push your buttons and watch you react.
By staying calm and composed, you aren’t giving them anything to work with. Additionally, they will become bored easily and lose interest in arguing with you.
It can help to say calm by reminding yourself that you know your truth. Moreover, by resisting the urge to fight back, you rob your narcissistic father of the ability to make you the bad guy. By keeping control of your emotions, you can calm the entire situation and deprive the narcissist of his supply of buttons to push.
Let Him Have His Emotions
This can be difficult when you know his emotional reaction is based on delusional beliefs, but it’s important to remember that everyone is entitled to their feelings even if they don’t make sense to you. So, if your narcissistic father is angry, let him be angry.
Instead of saying something like, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” try saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” That’s a particularly effective phrase because it acknowledges his feelings while at the same time you’re distancing yourself from those feelings. You can also add, “You’re allowed to feel that way.” That phrase validates his feelings while also letting him know you don’t agree.
Narcissists want you to care about their feelings, and these phrases indicate that not only don’t you care, you also see those feelings as erroneous. This can drive a narcissist crazy because he believes you should be dependent upon him for your validation. He doesn’t need you to approve of his emotions, you need him for that reason.
By distancing yourself from his feelings with these simple phrases, you’re both acknowledging his right to have his feelings and letting him know that you’re not invested in what he thinks. There’s very little he can say in response to that, and while that will be frustrating for him, it will let you bring the disagreement to an end without sacrificing your own integrity.
Don’t Feed His Ego
Trying to defuse the situation by praising your narcissistic father will only reinforce his belief that he is superior to you. Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self and when you bolster that with praise, you’re basically empowering his weak mind.
By refraining from feeding his ego, you rob him of the energy he needs to attack your confidence. Remember, he believes he’s better than you, and he will use any ammunition you give him to show you that he is. Feeding his ego is like loading the gun he’ll be using against you in the argument.
This is a good rule for any relationship since it is a form of control. That’s why you’ll likely notice that your narcissistic father uses them a lot. But, you shouldn’t use this tactic because it validates his right to use it, as well.
Instead, try saying something like, “I just want you to know how I feel.” That phrase helps him understand your feelings, and it also defuses the argument because you’re talking about your opinion, something everyone has a right to.
It also takes the argument out of the realm of right or wrong. That helps you bring the argument to an end because narcissists generally can’t admit they’re wrong. Their defensive grandiosity won’t allow for it.
Once your narcissistic father understands you’re not trying to prove him wrong, he will feel less threatened and more open to your opinion.
Use “We” Instead of “You”
Narcissists can’t accept blame, and thus, if you use language that includes yourself in the behavior, it can help to defuse the situation. It is basically an acknowledgement of the old adage, “It takes two to tango.”
To use this tactic in an argument against your narcissistic father, you might say something like, “I know you love me and I love you, but I think we both got off track in this discussion. Why don’t we try to talk about it without hurting each other or arguing?”
This kind of language allows the narcissist to back down without admitting guilt. For that reason, it’s helpful for ending an argument.
Any relationship with a narcissist will be difficult at the best of times but it’s particularly painful when the narcissist in question is your father. There are ways to defend yourself from a narcissist, but these techniques can help you diffuse the inevitable conflicts that will arise.
It’s best to stay calm, express your opinions and use inclusive language. These are all techniques that can help calm the situation. You’ll never win an argument with a narcissist, but you can stand your ground and bring a peaceful end to the conflict.
If you’re not certain your father is a narcissist, check out the article, “What Are The Character Traits Of A Narcissistic Father?” to learn about the common characteristics a narcissistic father displays.
If you want more tips for dealing with narcissists, setting boundaries, and managing emotional triggers, make sure you subscribe to my youtube channel