You might be inclined to think that two narcissists would be perfect for one another. They both have the same needs and the same grandiose ideas. That would make it seem as though they would be more likely to understand one another. It’s far more complicated, however, given the narcissist’s inability to empathize with other people, even another narcissist, and their self-absorbed nature.
It does happen that two narcissists will meet and fall in love with each other. Contrary to what many think, it’s more common for two grandiose narcissists to fall in love rather than a grandiose and a vulnerable narcissist. Whether or not the relationship will last, however, is another matter.
It’s valuable to more completely explore the complexities of a relationship between two narcissists and why most relationships with narcissists often fail, something that’s also true when both partners are narcissists.
What Does a Narcissist Look for in a Romantic Partner?
Narcissists look for similar things in a romantic partner as they would in any other relationship they have in their life. They are looking for someone to give them the external validation they so desperately crave.
Though they may seem confident to the point of arrogance, the reality is that their self-esteem is very fragile. That’s because the ultimate cause of their narcissistic behavior is that they have an undeveloped sense of self. For that reason, they have buried their true emotions deep within their psyche and constructed a false self to interact with the world.
The false self they have constructed can’t fulfill the functions that a healthy self-esteem would normally perform. The narcissist needs other people, therefore, to feed them a supply of adoration and admiration to prop up their self-esteem and that fragile false self.
For that reason, they look for partners who will admire and adore them, make them look good to other people, and constantly focus on their needs. They are, in fact, often attracted to empaths because they have the ability to see their vulnerability and want to help them build up their self-esteem.
Why Would a Narcissist Be Attracted to Another Narcissist?
While it makes sense that a narcissist would be attracted to an empath because of their kind nature, you might wonder what would attract them to another narcissist. One of the things that makes any narcissist attractive to potential romantic partners of any kind is that they can be very charming initially.
They often will compliment and love-bomb their romantic interests to get them to adore them back. For two narcissists, they are giving each other exactly what the other partner wants. They are pouring on the charm, adoring each other, and complimenting each other to the extreme.
That can be a very alluring situation for a narcissist. It can quickly make each of them feel as though they have finally found the partner of their dreams. Just as other personality types report feeling they have found their soulmate in the beginning stages of a relationship with a narcissist, two narcissists can feel exactly the same way.
What Happens When the Bloom is Off the Rose?
The problem narcissists often encounter in any relationship is that they tend to lose interest in their partner. That’s usually when the criticism and devaluation begins. That’s also true with two narcissists. They get to that point in the relationship where one or both become bored, and they quickly begin to find fault with their partner.
As this next phase of realizing that their partner is not everything they thought begins, as is common in any relationship, the two narcissists begin to struggle and the relationship often fails at this point. They both try to change one another, but their lack of empathy and stinging criticism is particularly hurtful for their hypersensitive narcissistic partner.
Though they might find they have many things in common, most narcissistic couples are unable to accept their partner’s flaws and the relationship ends at this stage. This is also true of most relationships involving just one narcissist.
If they do manage to accept one another’s personality challenges, the narcissistic couple can create a relationship that will stand the test of time, despite its dysfunctional nature. There are even examples of famous narcissistic couples that have remained together for long periods of time such as Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.
What Kinds of Narcissists Might Be Attracted to One Another?
This is the real head-scratcher because you might think that a grandiose narcissist would be more attracted to a vulnerable narcissist. Vulnerable narcissists can often be people pleasers and grandiose narcissists like people who cater to their needs.
Despite what might seem logical, in this case, it appears that opposites don’t attract. In fact, it is more often the case that two grandiose narcissists will be attracted to one another rather than a grandiose and a vulnerable narcissist.
The two grandiose narcissists often find they share the same interests and both are extroverted. They usually have a wonderful time together initially as they both like to go out and be in the limelight. They are usually both supporting one another as they expound on their grandiose ideas and seek the attention of those around them.
This is why two grandiose narcissists will typically bond initially, and among those narcissists who manage to keep their relationship going, these are the type of narcissists who can often ultimately accept their partner with all their flaws.
A relationship with any narcissist is a challenging one, but two narcissists can either seem like it would never work or like they are meant for one another. Many minimally believe that they deserve one another, and it does stop them from hurting other people.
Despite the odds being against them, when two narcissists manage to meet and fall in love, they are often both grandiose narcissists. It’s also true that grandiose narcissistic couples are the most likely to get to a point where they can accept their partner and form long-lasting relationships. They can sometimes pass through life together — with all their dysfunctional behaviors — hand-in-hand.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist in a relationship of any kind, even if you’re a narcissist yourself, a free copy of my “Narcissistic Rejection Guide” can help. It will help you learn to say no and push back against their abusive tactics. Just click on the link and I’ll send it directly to your inbox for free!
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