Of all the people on the planet, narcissists may seem like the least likely types who would want to cuddle. They certainly fear intimacy because they believe it makes them vulnerable. Given that, you might think they also wouldn’t like to cuddle, but it really depends on the type of narcissist and the relationship you have with them.
Some narcissists do like to cuddle, but even so, they are using touch to engender a false sense of closeness, and ultimately, as a means of providing them with their narcissistic supply. Touching them validates how sexy and alluring you find them, and in that sense, it props up their self-esteem.
Read on to learn some vital information about how different types of narcissists view touch and how they might use it as a manipulative tool. How they view touch varies greatly from a form of validation to a childish and shallow attempt at expressing love.
Why Do People Like to Cuddle?
Most people like to cuddle because it makes us feel closer to someone we love. In fact, the research shows that we are hard-wired to cuddle because it creates a strong bond with another person and it can even boost our physical health.
When you cuddle with someone, the hormone oxytocin is released. This hormone is often called the love hormone. It gets released when a mother nurses a child and helps create a strong bond between mother and child.
It also helps to create that same kind of strong bond with another person when you cuddle. Moreover, it can also lower your blood pressure, decrease levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and reduce inflammation. All of that can add up to a longer life. It also feels good.
How Does a Narcissist View Cuddling?
Healthy people view cuddling as a way to get closer to the one they love, but a narcissist fears intimacy so it’s natural you might wonder if they see it the same way and if they do it for the same reasons as other people.
The answer is that it depends on the type of narcissist as well as how close you are with them, and of course, your and their current needs. If your relationship is still in the love-bombing stage, a narcissist might use cuddling and touch to build a sense of closeness. In fact, it might seem as though they can’t keep their hands off you.
But, in that case, it can turn suddenly to a situation of not wanting to be touched at all. This is naturally confusing to you since they seemed to want it so badly before. So what happened? To explain it better, we have to consider the viewpoint of different types of narcissists.
Soma is the ancient Greek word for body, and for somatic narcissists, touch equates with validation. These kinds of narcissists actually get their narcissistic supply through touch. They will usually flaunt their physical attractiveness, and they are typically obsessed with their looks. They want you to essentially worship their body.
For a somatic narcissist, being ugly is a huge fear, and particularly for women who fall into this category, aging and the accompanying loss of beauty can be devastating. Somatic narcissists are generally those people who spend hours in the gym or thousands of dollars on plastic surgery given their idea that being ‘ugly’ is the same as being worthless.
For these types of narcissists, touch is validation and they tend to love it and the praise that often comes with it. They love cuddling, and they also want you to shower them with affection and praise for their looks. You shouldn’t expect, however, to get very much in return.
For the sexual narcissist, it’s all about seduction and cuddling is an essential part of that process. It’s not because they are genuinely affectionate, however; rather, they are using touch and sex for power. To them, it’s all about the conquest.
It may seem as though they love being touched, and they can be highly erotic with the way they use touch, but it’s all really about feeling powerful and special. As Mary Choi, Global Executive Board Member at Bayer Consumer Healthcare, says, “If your narc partner looks like they love to cuddle, they are probably faking it.” They use cuddling and other forms of touch as a means to an end.
It is the sexual narcissist who is probably most likely to cheat on their partner. Their narcissistic supply comes from sexual attention, and they have an insatiable need for more. Even if they don’t actually cheat on you, they will be flirting with others all around them.
Malignant narcissists are usually emotionally and often physically abusive in a relationship. What’s more, they are volatile and frequently dangerous. They like hurting people, and in fact, that’s part of how they get their narcissistic supply. These types of narcissists are also known as sadistic narcissists.
The malignant narcissist wants to not only control how you act, they thrive on the idea that they can also control how you feel and think. They can become explosively angry, and in order to show you who’s the boss, they might physically or sexually assault you.
Cuddling often makes the malignant narcissist feel vulnerable, and they view it as being too soft. For that reason, they usually don’t cuddle, but for the malignant narcissist, they use touch to show you that they call the shots, and they might use cuddling as a way to show you they can be magnanimous or to apologize and regain your approval.
The cerebral narcissist gets validation from their intellectual prowess, and they want to be praised for their wisdom and wit rather than their physical attributes. They view touch and physical closeness as something that is beneath them.
They see the need for physical closeness as something that is weak, and they may even see it as gross. To the cerebral narcissist, if you want to cuddle, they are likely to see you as immature or too clingy. They will shame you for what they see as your immaturity, and they might even call you ‘slutty’ for your sexual desires.
For this reason, the cerebral narcissist rarely cuddles with their partners. They are also more mechanical in their sexual behavior and often will only engage in sex for the purpose of procreation. These are the types of narcissistic partners who meticulously track ovulation cycles so they don’t have to engage in sexual behavior at any other time than what is optimum for conception.
They also tend to lack emotion in when engaging in sex or any other type of touching behavior. If you express a need to cuddle, they may call you childish or shallow. They will also likely devalue your physical needs and chide you for not wanting to do something more productive.
While some types of narcissists do like to cuddle, they usually are only using it as a means to an end. They are trying to bond with you or get closer, they are usually just trying to get their narcissistic supply.
Certain narcissists simply won’t cuddle with you and will demean you for expressing a need for physical touch. Among these kinds of narcissists are malignant narcissists who will use physical touch in an abusive way to exert their control over you. Even those who are not using touch for that reason, the narcissist’s reason for cuddling is not the same as yours.
While narcissists might use cuddling as a means to an end, it’s not the only manipulation tactic they use. They will also push any buttons they know you have to get an emotional reaction out of you. In fact, your desire to cuddle might be something they can use to trigger you. You can stop them from using your emotional triggers, however, by learning how to defuse them. My 5 Step Roadmap to Heal Emotional Triggers can show you how.
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