Aside from the other qualities of a narcissist, they tend to be very vengeful. When they feel like someone has done them wrong, and that happens frequently, they want to get revenge. In fact, anyone they identify as an enemy, they want to crush. Their interest isn’t in just the validation, but the complete destruction of those who oppose them. But what about doing something like getting married as an act of revenge?
Narcissists often seek revenge, and they don’t often think of the consequences of their actions. There are some circumstances in which they would actually get married as an act of revenge. They always have an agenda, and particularly if it’s a second marriage, revenge may be their agenda.
If you think your betrothed is a narcissist, it’s important to consider their motivation for marrying you. It’s not uncommon for them to marry for money, fame, or success, and sometimes they do even marry to get revenge. It’s important to understand the underlying reasons behind what motivates a narcissist, especially if you’re considering marrying one. Let’s take a closer look at just what might be behind why a narcissist wants to marry you.
Will a Narcissist Marry for Revenge?
Narcissists always have a motivation for everything they do. They are focused solely on their own needs. Whatever they do, there has to be something in it for them. So they might marry as an act of revenge. This is particularly true if it’s a second marriage.
Marriage, for the narcissist, is a way to secure a constant supply of adoration and praise. This is known as narcissistic supply, and the narcissist needs it to prop up their ego. A spouse is a great source of supply.
Another factor that influences the narcissist’s decisions is their need to always appear superior to other people. When they get divorced or if someone questions their ability to marry in some way, this can make them feel as if their superior image is in jeopardy.
That can prompt them to remarry quickly after a divorce or get married in the first place to show how perfect they are. Additionally, if their divorce was particularly contentious or if they didn’t want it to begin with and their ex has found someone else, they may seek someone for revenge.
In this case, they look for someone who might be better looking or more successful to show their ex just how desirable they are. As narcissistic abuse survivor Donny Hill notes, “This is the act of ultimate revenge by crushing the one(s) that loved him or her and thought they would be in a lasting relationship with the masked version of the narcissist they met during the love-bombing/idolation phase.”
In addition to these motivations, while many people may provide them with ego-boosting adoration, a spouse is around more than other loved ones. That can be a strong motivation for remarrying quickly.
It’s also a primary reason for them to marry in the first place. That’s not to suggest they don’t have feelings, but their main focus is on getting someone to support them emotionally.
How Do Narcissists Respond to being Rejected?
In a word, badly, they react badly. Narcissists can’t admit to any flaws or mistakes they might have made. When they were a child, they learned they were flawed.
This is usually caused by abusive behavior on the part of their primary caretakers. It can also result, however, from parents who are overly protective. Though they may have good intentions, they are giving the child the same message. They are flawed and can’t do anything for themselves.
As a result of this, the normal development of their identity is disrupted. They come to think of their true self as hopelessly flawed which fills them with shame and self-loathing. They bury that flawed self and create a false self-image in its place.
They fill that false self-image with grandiose ideas of perfection and superiority. Admitting they are flawed or have made mistakes goes contrary to that image. They can’t tolerate it. In fact, it creates what is called a narcissistic injury.
Their response to this usually begins with rage. They use narcissistic rage as a way to distract and confuse. They will also deny any culpability for anything. So when they are rejected by a spouse, they rage, deny, and project blame.
It’s not uncommon for them to claim that everything is their ex’s fault. They do the same thing in the context of a marriage. They won’t accept responsibility for anything or admit they have made a mistake. It makes it difficult to maintain any romantic relationship for very long.
Why Does a Narcissist Get Married?
One common reason a narcissist marries is for the source of narcissistic supply. A spouse is someone who is a readily available and supportive loved one. It’s important to realize that they don’t give the same support and adoration back.
While they may feel love for their spouse, they are not able to express it in healthy ways. No matter what they may truly feel, they need the narcissistic supply, and they need to feel superior.
This often drives them to do things that aren’t compatible with a successful long-term relationship. They are also afraid of intimacy. They don’t want their spouse to get too close to see their true flawed self.
Most romantic partners want to experience real intimacy with their spouses. Narcissists can’t do that out of fear of what you’ll discover. So they are reticent to express their true feelings in any situation. They don’t want you to see into their true self.
Another reason that narcissists marry is that they want to boost their self-image. They have claimed to be superior and perfect, and part of that perfect image is someone who is married.
If they find someone who boosts their image in front of other people, they might marry that person just to secure that ego boost. Love may have little to do with it. They just want someone who makes them look good.
Will Narcissists Remain Faithful in a Marriage?
Narcissists learn early in life that people get tired of their behavior. One strategy they develop as a result of that is to cycle through friends or loved ones.
They need to ensure they will always have a steady source of narcissistic supply, and thus, when they sense someone is getting tired of them, they move on to someone else and then cycle back around.
They also fear abandonment, and that’s true of their romantic partners too. They live in an almost constant fear that someone they have married will leave them. That carries all kinds of threats because it damages their perfect image, and it can leave them without their narcissistic supply.
That’s why they will often have extramarital affairs. They want to have someone waiting in the wings in case their spouse abandons them. It also gives their ego a boost to have someone else be attracted to them.
How Should You Handle the Vengeful Narcissist?
It’s not an easy task to deal with a vengeful narcissist. They are full of rage and can’t take any responsibility for their actions. They can sometimes act out in anger, but they do other things as well.
They may initiate a smear campaign against you with your family, friends, and even your work colleagues. They may try to undermine your other relationships or your professional life.
The worst thing you can do in response is to become vengeful yourself. If you try to play their game, they have already won. The best thing you can do is to block them on your social media and from calling you.
You can also let your friends and family know the situation and make it clear that you don’t want to be contacted by them again. You can also let them know you don’t want to hear about them again.
It’s better to take the high road and simply make it difficult if not impossible for them to contact you. You may even need to let your work colleagues know the situation so they can’t be taken in by your narcissistic ex.
Everything a narcissist does has some kind of benefit for them, and when they are rejected, they often seek revenge. They may even get married to show an ex what they’re missing or prove they’re superior. Part of the games they play when they’re vengeful is trying to hurt you, and they will use your own emotions against you.
To prevent this kind of manipulation, you’ll want to check out my 5 Step Roadmap to Heal Emotional Triggers. This handy guide can help you recognize your emotional triggers, defuse them, and even heal them. It’s free, and I’ll send it directly to your inbox if you click on this link now.
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