Narcissism is far more common in men than it is in women, but that doesn’t mean your girlfriend isn’t a narcissist. It does affect women, too.
The problem with a narcissist is that they often seem like the perfect match for you in the beginning of the relationship. They are charming and you seem to have that magical connection that everyone is looking for in a relationship.
That charm doesn’t last, however, and it won’t be long until her true colors are shining through if she’s a narcissist. Usually those toxic signs start to show up when you decide you want to take the relationship to the next level.
At that point, she starts to feel like she’s got you hooked, and that’s when you begin to see what she’s really like. If you can recognize the signs before you get in too deep, it’s better, but often you already feel like you’re in love when you see the truth. Read on to learn how to tell if your girlfriend is a narcissist and what you should do about it.
Signs She’s a Narcissist
Narcissists have a difficult time forming real emotionally committed relationships. They see other people as extensions of themselves and use them as a way to boost their self-esteem. Here are some clues you’re dealing with a female narcissist.
When you have a fight with a narcissist, they move very quickly to invalidating your entire relationship. They don’t want to compromise. It’s typically a ‘my way or the highway’ kind of attitude.
When they’re in the midst of a fight, that’s all that exists for them. As a result, while you might be seeking to clarify a problem and fix it, they see questioning the relationship as a way to punish you for your criticism of them.
They tend to become increasingly cruel until you decide it’s not worth it and drop the issue. That’s not a recipe for a lasting relationship.
You might feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster ride when you’re dating a narcissist. They might be having a great time and acting happy and content one moment and personally offended and enraged the next.
They won’t hesitate to express their frustration, and if you seem to be asking them to be agreeable, they will turn against you. They will blame you for everything they’re unhappy about. This kind of behavior can happen early on too, and it’s a big red flag.
She Takes No Responsibility
You’ll likely begin to notice that she never accepts responsibility for her part in anything. That might first become apparent when discussing past failed relationships.
It’s a good idea to pay attention to how she talks about her past partners since that’s a big clue. If she always blames her past partners for the failed relationship, that’s an indicator she’s got a problem.
Most people who don’t suffer from narcissism will take some responsibility for a failed relationship even if they lay most of the blame on the other party. For a narcissist, this would be admitting a flaw, and they are loath to do that since it injures their self-esteem.
Your Priorities Mean Nothing
Your narcissistic girlfriend will want you to be as impressed with what impresses her as she is, and if you aren’t, she will likely take that as an insult. At first, you’ll want to please her, but she will become more insistent as time goes on.
She may even insist that you go against one of your principles in order to support something she likes or wants to do. If you don’t go along, that narcissistic rage will be released since she will feel as though you’ve offended her.
If you give in to her, this is the first step in becoming codependent, and that’s a road you don’t want to go down. It’s a trap that will keep you from living your best life.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like choosing chocolate cake over a healthy eating option. It feels great at first, but then it doesn’t sustain you. You need more if you’re hoping to create a long-term relationship.
Typically, a relationship with a healthy person may not have that initial rush of desire, but the satisfaction grows over time. With a narcissist, the rush is wonderful in the beginning, but it typically ends in a disaster.
What Should You Do?
When you recognize the signs of narcissism in your girlfriend, your options are limited. Usually, it’s best to end the relationship and look elsewhere for long-term satisfaction. That’s often easier said than done, however.
Once your narcissistic girlfriend realizes you’re onto her and might end the relationship, she will typically do things like love bomb you to draw you back in. She may promise to change and seem to take responsibility for her actions.
This is just a ruse, however, as it takes years of therapy for a narcissist to change, and it’s only really possible if they are willing to acknowledge that they have a problem. If you don’t fall for her manipulation, she may then become aggressive or nasty about the breakup.
After you leave your narcissistic girlfriend behind, you might be in for a strong reaction. Narcissists are terrified of rejection because it suggests they are flawed. That can cause her to act out in some very negative and aggressive ways.
She might gossip about you after you’ve left her, she might try to cause you problems at work, and she will definitely try to sabotage any new relationship prospects. She may even become a stalker.
To counteract that, you might want to block her from your social media accounts, change locks to your house if she had a key, and let your friends know that she might try to contact them about you.
It can be a very challenging situation, and you might need to seek help after such a relationship. You should keep in mind, however, that it’s not your fault. You were dealing with someone who has a difficult mental condition.
To learn more about ending a relationship with a narcissist, check out the blog post, “How To Get Out Of A Relationship With A Narcissist.”
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