The 9 Most Common Lies of a Narcissist
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Narcissists lie frequently and feverishly. They are trying to convince themselves as much as they are trying to convince you of what they are saying, and they want to manipulate you to do what they want you to do.
While many people see a narcissist as someone who is in love with themselves, it’s more accurate to say they are in love with an idealized self-image. They project that self-image so that they won’t have to deal with their own wounded self.
Because this makes them dependent upon external validation of their projected ideal image, they have to maintain an almost constant control over the people and circumstances around them. To do that, they lie pathologically to get what they want and manipulate people and circumstances to make them appear as their ideal self. Read on to discover some of the most common lies narcissists tell.
Common Lies Narcissists Tell
These are the most common lies the narcissist will tell to control or manipulate the people around them. While everyone may use these deceits from time to time, for the narcissist, these are habitual lies.
1. I’m the Best!
As part of their need for external validation, narcissists display traits of grandiosity and superiority. They believe themselves to be superior and expect to be recognized as such. In fact, they almost have a need to be recognized as such.
Toward that end, they will take great satisfaction in reminding you in both large and small ways just how much better they are than you. Once again, this is nothing more than a disguise they use to hide their true sense of inferiority.
2. I Promise (With My Fingers Crossed)!
Narcissists will frequently make promises they can’t — or won’t — keep. There is a pattern among people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder of failing to follow through on their obligations and agreements.
It doesn’t matter much if it’s a mild obligation like missing an appointment or something major like a relationship commitment. The only time a narcissist meets their obligations is when it is in their self-interest. If they’re promising something, you can bet their fingers are crossed.
3. I’m Really Great — Just Ask Me!
Narcissists over-inflate their sense of self by bragging, name-dropping, showboating or exaggerating. They do this to let you know they are special, important, powerful, attractive or popular. They are constantly talking about themselves in a flattering manner.
Deep down, their self-esteem is very different. They tend to be masking a vulnerable sense that they are nothing without that external validation.
4. Don’t Worry, I’ve Got Everything Under Control!
Narcissists don’t care much about rules and boundaries. They frequently engage in activities that are devoid of morality, ethics or credibility. These can range from minor offenses to serious ones. In fact, narcissists often thrive on breaking the rules. It makes them feel special.
If you express concern, they’ll quickly tell you that there’s nothing to worry about, but that may not be the truth. It may also not be something over which they have control.
5. It’s Not Me, It’s You!
No matter the situation, the narcissist will not take responsibility for their own actions. It is always someone else’s fault, usually yours if you’re in an intimate relationship with a narcissist.
Blaming their victims not only absolves them of responsibility for their own actions, it allows them to exercise control over their victims. They get pleasure out of causing you to question your own perceptions of reality.
6. I’m Here for You, Not!
The truth is that the narcissist is only here for themselves. Like a salesperson, they know the right thing to say to gain your trust and appear supportive. They usually do this only because they want something from you.
They use such charismatic tactics to manipulate your emotions and exploit your weaknesses. You are little more than another conquest for the narcissist. Once they have what they want, they will no longer be there for you.
7. I’ll Change, Trust Me!
When a narcissist realizes they have pushed you beyond your limit, they’ll often try to win back your affections by promising to change. This is typically when you’re at the point of breaking off all contact with them.
They will make this promise and beg for your forgiveness. The problem is that they will not be able to keep this promise. Instead, they are just trying to get you to back off your resolve to end the relationship. They will say almost anything to prevent that, but they will not likely be able to do much to change, at least, not without significant long-term therapy.
8. I’m Disappointed in You!
Narcissists demand almost constant attention from close friends and family members, and if they are not getting that, they feel a sense of disappointment. In reality, what they are asking from their close relations is unrealistic, and when they don’t get it, they behave like a petulant child.
By expressing their disappointment in you, it’s their way of throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get what they wanted. They rely on their manipulation techniques to get you to give them what they want, and when that doesn’t work, they lay the blame at your feet by calling you disappointing.
9. You’re Nothing Without Me!
This is nothing more than a manipulative tactic the narcissist uses to keep their victim close. They will try to make you doubt your own abilities and fear leaving them. They will try to make you think that there’s nothing out there for you, and you’ll do best to stick with them.
The lies of the narcissist only reflect the depth of their illness. Inside, they are little more than a frightened, damaged child lashing out at you with lies and misdirection. In doing so, they can cause significant damage to your own self-esteem.
To keep yourself from succumbing to their deception, you’ll have to first recognize the common lies they tell. You’ll also need to set strong boundaries to prevent them from doing more damage. This is particularly true if you can’t or won’t break off all contact with them. You deserve better, so take steps to protect yourself from narcissistic manipulation.
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