One of the hardest things for a narcissist to do is relinquish the spotlight. Of course, if you’re getting married and you have a narcissistic mother, you can bet she will do everything in her power to grab all the attention she can get. It’s not unusual for brides or grooms with narcissistic mothers to feel as though their wedding has been ruined by their narcissistic mother, but how and why does she do that?
There are several ways your narcissistic mother can ruin your wedding day. She’s an expert at the guilt trip, and she won’t stop just because you’re getting married. Moreover, she’ll do everything she can to take over the planning so she can claim credit for the result and grab the spotlight.
Read on to prepare yourself for the many ways your narcissistic mother can ruin your wedding and learn about what’s behind her behavior. Understanding her motivation can help you to both tolerate her behavior and make her stop.
The Many Ways Your Narcissistic Mother will Ruin Your Wedding
There are many ways your narcissistic mother might opt to ruin your wedding. She is not only unwilling to give up the spotlight, she has always seen you as an extension of herself. That’s a big part of why she might do any of the following to make your wedding a real nightmare instead of a dream.
If there’s one thing a narcissist excels at, it’s dousing you with a heaping helping of shame. It’s an exceptionally effective technique for the narcissistic mother. She knows her children inside and out, and she knows what makes them feel shame.
She will not hesitate to make you feel ashamed for focusing on yourself on your wedding day. She will question your choices every step of the way, including your choice of a spouse.
She will take every opportunity she gets to make you feel as though you don’t look good and aren’t good enough for any kind of special attention. She will delight in telling embarrassing stories about you from childhood, and she will be sure to mention how you’ve never treated her well.
The thing about shame is that it doesn’t do anyone any good. You have to remember that your mother is the last person who should be doing this to you on your wedding day. She is supposed to remembering all the wonderful times when you were a child, not undermining one of the most important days of your life.
Another thing your narcissistic mother will do to ruin your wedding is grandstanding. She won’t cede the limelight to anyone, not even the bride or groom. Narcissistic mothers have been known to openly start fights with their in-laws.
One narcissistic mother held up her own daughter’s wedding because she couldn’t find the bra she wanted to wear. After the first dance, she started taking down decorations she had made and told everyone she was afraid the groom’s family would steal them if she didn’t.
All narcissists desire to be the center of attention and will do almost anything to get everyone focused on them. You might be thinking that she wouldn’t want negative attention, but for the narcissist, any attention is better than no attention.
Just as in childhood, your narcissistic mother will not hesitate to criticize everything you do. In her eyes, you will never be good enough. There is almost nothing you can do to change that.
The criticism won’t stop even on your wedding day. Your dress or tuxedo won’t be right, your bridesmaids are too fat or ugly or they’re stealing your thunder, the food is horrible, your spouse’s family are bumpkins, and so on it goes.
You’ve likely become accustomed to this constant negativity, and you might not be aware that it isn’t how most mothers behave. If you don’t see it, your guests will, and they will be among her targets too.
She will try to take over as a way of making herself the center of attention. If you’re to have a good wedding, your narcissistic mother wants it to be because of her. That’s why she’ll try to take over the wedding planning so that she will receive the praise for how well it turns out.
The take-over won’t be limited to minor decisions either. She will want a say in every aspect of your wedding, from your colors to the style of your dress. She will want to call the shots on the meals, the decorations, and the order of the ritual.
If you let her, she will run everything, and she will drive you crazy in the process. She’s doing all this so that people will praise her efforts. It’s a way for her to insert herself into the rite and take the spotlight away from you.
Why Will Your Narcissistic Mother Ruin Your Wedding?
The answer to that lies in her incessant need to be the sole focus of everyone’s attention. Even covert narcissists desire to be in the spotlight. They often do good deeds just so people will praise them for what they have done.
When you’re getting married and all of the attention is on you, your narcissistic mother almost can’t stand it. She needs to find a way to take that attention away from you and get it onto her. That may be done by badgering you, taking over your big day, criticizing you, or shaming you.
If all else fails, she will take over the planning process so she will ultimately be praised for how it turned out. It will definitely affect your wedding day, and short of not inviting her, there’s not that much you can do to stop her.
Is Your Narcissistic Mother Happy for You?
Given the way she is liable to act, you might wonder if your narcissistic mother is happy for you when you’re getting married. The answer to that is, well, complicated.
It’s not exactly that she’s not happy for you, it’s more that her personality disorder won’t let her accept it when she’s not the center of attention. She’s anxious and fearful for herself when people are not focusing on her.
She has no internal mechanism to support her own self-esteem, and if people are not constantly supplying her with love and praise, she fears her true self will be revealed for the world to see. Additionally, she feels you’re abandoning her for your new spouse, and that’s something narcissists fear more than anything else.
That’s a big part of why she will hit back hard when she realizes you’re going through with the wedding, and she can’t stop it. She’ll probably try to stop it well before it gets to that point by attempting to sabotage your relationship.
If that doesn’t work, however, she won’t hesitate to try to ruin your wedding. That’s why almost everyone who’s been through this kind of experience and many experts advise you not to invite her.
Your wedding day should be all about you, but your narcissistic mother will do everything in her power to make it about her. It’s the nature of her mental condition that makes her unable to do almost anything else. She won’t be the nurturing mother wistfully remembering your childhood; she’ll be the cackling which warning you about your future spouse.
If you’re getting married and you’re worried about what your narcissistic mother might do, you’ll want to read this post about how to deflect the guilt trip coming your way. You can fight back and these tips can help.
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