Narcissistic mothers are nothing like the stereotype of a loving mother. In fact, they are pretty much the opposite of that. They lie to their own children, gaslight them to make them doubt their own sanity, and use triangulation to sow distrust with their siblings. They also abuse their father who is often an enabler. But can they actually be dangerous?
Just like any other kind of narcissist, as you move away from a narcissistic mother and become more independent from them, they react in a negative way. They may do things like smear you with other family members or even at work. What’s more, they can become dangerous and stalk or threaten you.
Narcissists don’t have strong control over their emotions and behaviors. They are focused on maintaining their narcissistic supply, and so, they often don’t think about the consequences of their behavior. If you’ve got a narcissistic mother, you need to understand the potential for her to become dangerous. Let’s explore that possibility and just how she might pose a threat to you or your family.
How Can a Narcissistic Mother Be Dangerous?
There are a number of ways a narcissistic mother can be dangerous to her children. She has spent a lifetime getting to know them inside and out, and so, she has many weapons she can use against you. She can threaten you, your family, and your professional and personal dreams. Here are some of the ways she might do that:
First, There’s the Emotional Damage
It bears mentioning that your narcissistic mother has always been a threat to your emotional and psychological health. Her manipulation tactics have likely left you lacking in self-confidence and possibly in a sense of self-worth.
She has also probably worked hard to damage your relationships with other family members. She may even have caused a rift between you and either your father or your siblings. These actions are dangerous in and of themselves to your well-being, but they also threaten you as an adult.
After suffering her abuse, you may be unable to establish secure attachments and stable relationships. You may lack the confidence to seek the type of employment that would make you feel happy and satisfied. This is a real threat to your ability to lead a well-adjusted, independent life.
Second, She May Threaten and Intimidate You
As you grew up and started to become more independent, your narcissistic mother likely increased her tactics to try and make you dependent on her for everything. If those strategies didn’t work to her satisfaction, she may then try to intrude more and more into your adult life.
If you don’t do what she wants, she might threaten, for example, to cut you off from an inheritance or from contact with other family members. She might even threaten legal action to try to ensure, for example, that she has access to her grandchildren.
This can be a continuous source of stress in your own family, and it can be dangerous to the well-being of your children and spouse.
Third, She May Initiate a Smear Campaign Against You
If your narcissistic mother realizes that she cannot get you back under her thumb, she may decide her best option is to smear your good name with other family members, friends, and acquaintances. She may even decide to smear you are your place of work.
This can cause real problems for you within your family and at your job. It’s always difficult to clear your name once someone has made accusations. Even if you are able to avoid the worst outcomes, there will always be some people who will doubt your side of the story.
This can leave you with lifelong problems in your own family, it can alienate you from supportive relatives, and it could even cost you your job.
Fourth, She Might Stalk You
It’s also possible that your narcissistic mother might even resort to stalking you or your family. If she doesn’t do this physically, she might cyberstalk you on social media. Her goal is to bring you back into her dramatic fold.
You might catch her watching your house or following your or your children. It can undermine the sense of security you should have for your family. It can also cause problems with your spouse and children.
Typically, narcissists turn to this kind of behavior if they feel they are no longer the center of your attention. Simply telling her to stop can simply cause her to hide her behavior better. You may have to cut off all contact with her or even take legal action to get her to stop.
Can Your Narcissistic Mother Be Physically Violent?
According to a study conducted by psychologists at The Ohio State University, narcissists are 21% more likely to be aggressive and 18% more likely to be violent. So your narcissistic mother may turn to physical violence.
This may have begun when you were a child, but she may still resort to such tactics even as an adult. She may slap you, for example, or use other aggressive tactics to threaten you. It’s a nightmare for any adult child of a narcissist.
You’ve been trained your whole life to try and please her, and the psychological effect of that makes it very difficult to break away from her as an adult. Moreover, if she is physically violent or has been in the past, she may use that strategy with your children if she is allowed to be alone with them.
How Can You Protect Yourself?
It’s clear that you may have to opt to cut off all contact with your narcissistic mother to get her to stop her behavior. Even more than that, though, you may have to take legal action to ensure she cannot continue to cause problems in your life.
Perhaps more important is that you need to get help for the psychological damage she has done to you and continues to do. You might even need to get help for your whole family. It’s critical for repairing your own self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Therapy can help you work through the damage she has done to your own identity, and it can help you create new, healthier coping strategies. You’ll also learn to set strong boundaries. That will be vital if you will have contact with her going forward, but it is also a good thing for any relationship you have.
Repairing the significant psychological damage a narcissistic mother can do is probably the best thing you will ever do for yourself. By recognizing the lasting effects her behavior has on your life, you can heal yourself and move on.
Narcissistic mothers can do a lot of damage to their family members. For their children, the damage can last a lifetime. They can also be dangerous to their children as adults, and that’s why it’s important to seek help to repair the damage she has done through the years. You can have a happy, healthy life, but you must face the demons created by your narcissistic mother.
One effective way a narcissistic mother can continue to disrupt your life is by triggering your emotional wounds, wounds she was responsible for creating. That’s why I would like to introduce you to my 5 Step Roadmap to Heal Emotional Triggers can help you begin the process of healing your emotional wounds and eliminating them as a manipulation technique she can use to control you. To receive a free copy of this handy guide, just click on this link, and I’ll send it directly to your inbox.
If you want more tips for dealing with narcissists, setting boundaries, and managing emotional triggers, make sure you subscribe to my youtube channel